Just Like Home
Commander Riis*shess and his Executive Officer Krrkehkegg were preparing the duty rosters for the coming cycle. As members of the Federationâs Diplomatic and Exploration Corps, the Commander and crew of the survey ship Infinite Curiosity rarely suffered the burden of being given routine and boring assignments, but this aspect of ship management was surely the exception.
However, as tedious as this administrative task might have been, it was nevertheless vitally important: Every assignment had to be at least substantially compatible with its assigned crewmember. It would be thoughtless, and possibly hazardous, to assign an exobiologist from the water planet of Brissshh to perform a biological survey on an arid desert world. Similarly, crewmembers who hailed from steamy jungle planets tended to perform poorly when assigned to frozen and glaciated worlds.
âWho do you think should deliver the speech of welcome to the new Federation citizens of Pirghgan III?â rumbled Krrkehkegg.
Riis*shess blooped softly a moment, then decisively said âLieutenant Mawdrrachxt. She is an excellent speaker, and the temperature and humidity there are close to that of her homeworld.â Krrkehkegg nodded in acknowledgement.
âWhat about that ice planet on the edge of the habitable zone?â he grated. âPirghgan VII I believe it is. Weâll be insystem long enough to do a decent survey, and it would be good to flesh out its entry in the planetary database.â The DEC was famous for its love of new data, curiosity being a major requirement for admission to the Corps.
âYes, we should take advantage of the opportunity. Have Lieutenant OâGrady select a survey team.â
Krrkehkegg cleared his throat (which sounded like a minor rock slide) and said âApologies, Commander, but I believe Lieutenant OâGrady would be unsuited for this assignment. She comes from a tropical world.â
The Commander directed his attention to the XO. âWhat makes you say that?â he asked.
âPerhaps you remember when the environmental controls for the dining area and exercise facilities were misbehaving?â
âOf course.â The simultaneous failure of a local environmental cooling device, combined with the runaway operation of a humidification subsystem, had produced an unbearably hot and humid environment in that section of the ship. It had remained strictly off-limits for most of the crew until the systems could be repaired.
âWell," continued Krrkehkegg, "the Lieutenant supervised the engineering team that performed the repairs. She spent several duty periods in that environment, and I distinctly remember her telling me afterwards that it reminded her of recreational periods with extended clan members when she was a juvenile. Therefore, her planet must be a hot and humid one.â
Riis*shessâs torso undulated slightly as he thought. âBut XO,â he said, thoughtfully, âLieutenant OâGrady was also a member of the negotiation team that helped resolve that resources dispute on Murhlink III. That planet was an ice ball, truly â barely on the edge of habitability â and the Lieutenant told ME that it reminded her of an annual human holiday associated with gift-giving and festive decorations. It can be hard to know for certain, of course, but it had seemed to make her quite homesick. Surely she must come from an ice planet.â
âHmmm,â muttered Krrkehkegg. âItâs easy enough to find out. We know her home planet is named 'Earth.' We can simply recall her personal file, find her home coordinates on Earth, and perform a cross-correlation of her home coordinates with a database of local seasonal weather patterns.â
Burbling in agreement, Riis*shess stretched out a manipulator and tapped deftly and rapidly on his screen. Images flickered as he queried the ship's informational database, scanned through various menus, and navigated the various data fields, and queried the system again. When the screen displayed the results of his search, both the Commander and Krrkehkegg leaned in to view it. There was a moment of silence.
âWho could possibly live in a place like that?â wondered Riis*shess in hushed burbles.
âIt must be the axial inclination. And to be fair, neither the seasonal high nor the seasonal low approach the habitable limits observed for some life forms.â
âTrue, true. But did you have any idea that humans could endure BOTH that kind of heat and that kind of cold?â
âNo, it would never have occurred to me.â
The two officers looked back at the display, then the Commander spoke again, more thoughtfully.
âWhat kind of sentient being would choose to live in such a hellish place? And what must it be like, this Minnesota?â